What if we are exactly the ones our children need?


What if we are exactly the ones our children need?

I know when I was feeling completely exhausted, at the end of my tether, out of ideas and like I had tried everything I could think of, this was a very difficult idea.

How could I possibly be what my children needed? I spent quite a bit of time thinking the universe had got it completely wrong.

There is that saying ‘you only get what you can cope with’ and I kept thinking ‘this is completely impossible. I’m the wrong person for this job!’

It broke my heart because I had wanted children for so many years, and when I finally have them, I had lots of ideas of what it would be like. We would bake together and go on trips together. We would have an allotment and grow things.

Yet my reality seemed so far from that. The ‘thoughts create your reality’ approach to personal development didn’t help. I just felt defeated.

People would say ‘your kids are lucky to have you’ and I’d think ‘I’m the wrong person for this incredibly tough job’.

Somehow the seed of that thought stayed with me: what if I am the right person for these children? What if I can grow into this? Having had a difficult time when my partner passed away, I was determined the children were not going to lose another parent. If it’s not me, then who?

So I started to explore my own healing more deeply. I had had counselling for a few years, and yet there were still places that I didn’t quite go to.

Starting to embrace all my experiences made such a difference. I was no longer scared of my own emotional reactions. That’s not to say I don’t have any, but that I do know my own triggers, and know the signs of being triggered by something completely new, and I have better solutions for dealing with that.

I don’t go in to fight, flight or freeze as often, and I know what to do when I do.

I don’t have that same guilt or shame that I used to have. I’m far from perfect, and I can see the positives of my parenting approaches. I allow myself to make mistakes and I apologise to my kids when I get it wrong.

This level of emotional safety that I have been able to bring to myself has an impact on my kids every day. It is possible to walk this path.

Would you like to join me?

Warmest wishes to you all xxx


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